Memoir

I am doing my memoir about going to Nationals for cheerleading. I am not sure what i really want my theme to be though. Maybe something about beating our rivals from Washington, NJ. Or maybe about overcoming our challenges and changing things 2 hours before we went on the mat to make everything work. I'm very confused.

The Six Traits I need to work on for my writing

While writing an essay the main point that I used to always try and cover was to have extravagant vocabulary. Every other word I would look up in the thesaurus to make myself sound way more intelligent than I really and subsequently, most of the time I didn’t even know how to say the words that I wrote down in my essays.  After discussions in class, I’ve learned that it’s not right to use that much vocabulary because in the real world you wouldn’t even say half the things you did. We’ve learned to use the six traits which is something that is new to me but I am sure will help me vast amounts.

The first idea in the six traits is idea’s which is something that I believe I am good at. Using descriptive words to paint examples in people’s head like “They reek of garbage; because that’s the only thing they can eat. They have dirty and ripped clothes; because that’s the only thing they can afford. They have a cardboard box for their stay; because that’s the only thing they live” You can just picture a homeless man looking like that. Along those lines, that is something I should keep up because it is important for your reader to feel what you are writing and almost be like they are there. Another trait I feel like I am good at is the second one, organization. I spend a lt of time on the beginning of my papers to make it sound interesting. I mean, who wants to read a paper that starts off, in the book Angela’s ashes, this is what happened. You need a good hook, just like in these essays I started off with great hooks, “While in the beautiful New York City, there are many sights you can come upon that appeal to the eye and other the other hand, many horrific sights. One of those sights is the homeless” and “Bloody swords protruding into lifeless bodies as a huge thump echoes the heartless body falling to the ground. The yelps and screams of innocent lives being taken away, right before your eyes. Cruel, mean, and dirty eyes staring right at you as you take your last breath. This is the sight of the American Revolutionary War”

One trait I really could use some work on is voice. In most of my papers I am so egger to get to the point and make sure I include all the necessities that I forget to hook the reader like for example in this sentence I totally lost energy, “Sometimes in life there are things that you would want to change, like the way you look or the way you dress. Or maybe even the way you talk, but that isn’t made possible because of your parents.” That sentence is lacking energy to a whole extent. It’s very boring and not a good time to read. Word choice is something that I am phenomenal at, that is if I have a thesaurus around me. I’ve always used colorful language, but I believe that I could limit it, “Some vigorously believe in fate, an event that will inevitably happen in the future, while others are convinced of free will, the power of making free choices unconstrained by external agencies” Yes, I do sound very smart, but lets be honest I would never say that if I was talking to someone in real life!

One thing I am also bad at is sentence fluency. I tend to make my sentences way to long and boring, “In other words, the colonists really had not much of a support system because the seats in the parliament were continuously being changed and every seat that was replaced in the parliament most likely had someone with different view from the others and in any event, people were just getting the seats in the parliament because of being wealthy; they were not voted into the parliament and did not earn the right to be there.” This sentence in my paper is way to long. I need to focus on how to make my sentences shorter and more appealing. Like I mentioned before I am quite intelligent when it comes to looking up words, that’s why conventions is an easy one for me. I am very good with words, spelling and punctuation. “Clearly, the British government was corrupt. At that time, they could have easily been compared to out of control animals.” This sentence uses the right amount of punctuation and vocabulary. Last thing, presentation I am very good at. I always make sure all my papers have titles and when I present it sounds very professional.